buddy

he smelled bad.
he looked goofy and nerdy.
he had a large bobble-ish head.
worse of all...he was a he. and he weighed 100 pounds.
world, let me introduce to you my new puppy.


meet buddy.

see, he was supposed to replace my dearly beloved Fendi.





anybody else see something wrong with this comparison?
my dad didn't, either.
he is very smart, and he is a dentist. dentists are sweet talkers and joyful drillers. and so naturally my dad used his cunning and manipulative 6th dentist sense and introduced me to my new "puppy" on my birthday.
i laughed.
"cute, dad."

he was serious. dentists are very solemn people, too.

and so we adopted buddy and he came to live at our house. i laid down harsh rules the moment he hopped in our car.
#1. buddy would not hop into our car without a kennel.
#2. i would not be held responsible for buddy.
#3. i would not be feeding, chasing, training, bathing, poop scooping, or baby talking to buddy.
#4. i do not like buddy.
#5. i have been sadly shorthanded in this dog thing.

"no refunds or returns," dad said. he was being serious again. dentists.

"i don't even like the name buddy," i whined to sissy the next time she stopped by. "it's like something you name your favorite doughnuts or perhaps a tractor. no decent dog should be named something with the word 'butt' in it."
"it's kinda catchy," she said optimistically. i was too busy pouting to appreciate optimistic-ness.
buddy ran over, and sissy commanded him to sit. he wagged his tail.
"SIT, BUDDY," she said fiercely.
"try tapping his rear," i suggested. she tried it. buddy ran away from us.
"still, sis, you should have more faith in him. buddy is a good dog."
"i know that. just let me whine a little. imagine, that clumsy, cross-eyed thing could have been a squirming lil big eyed puppy." i barked convincingly.
"yeah, you look cute," she said dryly. "i wonder if he could learn how to jump over rails..."
"it might neuter him on the high ones." i copied her dryness.
she 'tisk'ed at me and went after buddy with a treat. "buuuddy, buuuuuddy...."

an' it could have been a squirming, lil' big eyed puppy.

i have been scammed by a dentist.



note: for those of you who like to keep track of the time line of events, buddy came on day 21. now everything probably makes a lot more sense.