just watch me...

"you couldn't do it."
i looked away and nibbled on my bottom lip.
"yeah! you're just a girl."
oooo, now that stung. cody trenner and his playmate levi norris were at it again.
"see, watch me, heather." levi sauntered over to The Bars Of Doom. he shinnied up the ladder, and, balancing himself perfectly on the top rung, he just barely reached the first Bar Of Doom with his stubby arms. he arched his body and swung out gracefully.
i watched skeptically. levi's short, stocky body seemed better fit for The Bars Of Doom than my tall, skinny one, and i told him so.
"yeah...you're just sceeered. heather's a scaredy cat!" came his prompt reply. cody trenner picked up his taunts and the playground echoed with his evil mockery.
i squinted my eyes at them and wished them far, far away.
"i dare you... i dare you to go across the monkey bars." cody trenner accentuated his words with a look of scorn.
it was the final blow. he lit a firecracker.
"WATCH ME!" i cried, and ran to The Bars Of Doom, my delicate hair ribbons streaming behind me. oooh, i was mad. my fury almost blinded me. fire flew out of my eyes and out my ears and from my nose. i shut my teeth together with a snap and climbed resolutely up the ladder to the top rung.
i was almost to The Bars Of Doom.

wait, i should stop there and explain. at the tender age of six, there were several things i hated. first, it was being called a girl.
second, it was tomatoes, carbonated water, and anything remotely spicy.
third, it was my mother's subtraction flashcards.
and fourth...it was The Bars Of Doom. those shiny monkey bars were at an endless height and seemed to float in the clouds. i hated them like nothing else...those Bars Of Doom were, in my mind, the axis of evil.

i balanced myself carefully on the top rung and copied the exact way levi had swung out. i could reach the bar just fine...i jumped...i was swinging out...
BAAAM.

unfortunately, i had misjudged the distance. levi was significantly shorter than me, and i only need to stand on the second, or perhaps third rung.

my little body was crumpled on the sand, staring up at The Bars Of Doom. stars circled around my cranium. fury was still pumping through my veins, and i jumped back up and swung across those Bars Of Doom. at the end, i was determined to be THE BEST, so i pulled my body up and perched atop those monkey bars.
levi and cody were dumbstruck. not only did this skinny little freak knock herself senseless, but she swung across and sat on top of the monkey bars. only the Honorable Big Kids knew how to do that.
i swung my legs freely and grinned in spite of a goose-egg size bump on my forehead. a moment later, the last bit of adrenaline dried up and i realized i was really really high up.
and i didn't know how to get down.
levi and cody were gracious and helped the sobbing six year old down from her perch in the clouds.
but i never forgot that day that i defeated The Bars Of Doom.

as i grew older, things changed.
i decided being a girl wasn't so bad, after all. and tomatoes, carbonated water, and spicy packets of taco bell fire sauce could be tolerated. flashcards were easy, and monkey bars were actually kinda fun.
but one thing never changed at all.
whenever someone tells me i can't do it, i get this burning desire to prove them wrong. thankfully i mellowed out a little and don't do things senselessly just for the sake of doing it, but whenever someone approaches me and says, either spitefully or innocently, that i am not capable of doing something, i make it my life mission to do that very thing.
when i was twelve, i was told i could never finish two grades in one year. i completed all my work with a month to spare...
when i was thirteen, i told a friend that i enjoy writing. he laughed and dared me to keep a journal longer than a year. three and a half years later, i have eight journals and thousands of handwritten pages.
when i was fourteen, my piano teacher said it would take years to re-learn everything. i was past my previous level in months.
when i was fifteen, i heard from a egotistic song writer that heather ruiz could never write lyrics. "not any rhyming ones, anyways..." seventeen recorded songs later, i proved him wrong with two notebooks full of lyrics.
later that year, i was told that i couldn't carve on my snowboard very fast. in one day, i pushed my fears behind me and busted down the slopes faster than i ever had.

so go ahead...tell me i can't do it.
tell me i'm too young, too inexperienced, too uneducated, and inform me that i have a crystal castle of dreams and too many fantasies. try to get me insecure and make me rethink my goals. ignore my words and call me a feeble girl. undermine my actions and scorn my principals.
and then sit back and let me prove you wrong.

you just watch me...