somebody help me

i have a secret.
it contradicts every teenage girl stereotype.
it's guaranteed to make every girl screech a deafening shriek, shake her head in disgust and declare me heartless.

i do not like to shop.

(i wanted to put "hate" in there, but they say hate is a strong word)

don't get me wrong, i love trying on those poofy prom dresses with my friends and aimlessly wandering around the mall, window shopping and picking out random pieces to try on and giggle over.
but i do not like standing in front of my closet and realizing that i've outgrown most of my clothes, handed the decent down to sissy, wrecked them with the cursed bleach, torn unrepairable holes from rolling under barbed wire fences, shrunk them to a size 6X in the dryer, lost them at the gym, lost them at the pool, lost them at YD camp, left them to rot in a heap of wet laundry over the weekend, or sent them to their unceremonious deaths with the aid of spaghetti sauce, grape juice, grass stains, and vegetable oil.
i do not like the disappointing realization that another crash shopping spree is inevitable.
to be honest, shopping makes me cranky.

i do not like waiting in lines.
i do not like how the last size left is either XXS or XXL.
i do not like changing in minuscule dressing rooms barely large enough to turn around in, or the broken door latches, or tiptoeing on that filthy nasty carpet.
i do not like having to hike 3 miles from the car to the mall entrance.
i do not like that the previously mentioned 3 miles really is 3 miles because we always forget where we parked.
i do not like putting clothes back on flimsy plastic hangers.
i do not like taking my clothes on and off again and again and again.
i do not like how dry my mouth gets, and how my throat begins to ache, and how my feet feel like lead and my shoes pinch.
i do not like being nice to those annoying, helpless salespeople that follow me around when i'm tired and drooping.
i do not like carrying those awkward, over-sized shopping bags.
and, above everything else, i do not like coming home with nothing.

spending 9 hours in retail torture yesterday made it difficult for me to find grace in 5 things. to be honest, i couldn't think of one.
but heather must learn to be thankful, so i firmly decided i'd find not five, but EIGHT things i was thankful for about shopping.
it took me some time, and there's a hint of sarcasm in a few of these.
but hey, if heather ruiz, a sworn hater of "shop 'till you drop" can be thankful, then anyone can find thanks in anything.